I am well aware that mental exhaustion is not exclusive to ADHD or Autism, but I cannot share what others may experience, as I am me, and you are you.
For myself, I find mental exhaustion to be far more common in myself than in my neurotypical, otherwise known as "normal" friends.
My most recent day of mental exhaustion is actually today. I find that during days like these, I am at war with myself. My body is ready for a good day of excitement, while my mind wishes only for sleep. Yesterday I used all of my "happy energy" or "spoons" as many people with chronic illness may say.
Many people say Autism and ADHD are superpowers, sure there are positives especially those with savant syndrome. Those of us that don't though, these are the things that hurt us. Saying it is a super power is like calling someone in a wheelchair an inspiration. You may think that there is kindness in those words but it makes us feel more distant, out of place, and called out in our differences.
This does not mean we need to be treated equally. Equality is not truly what is needed. Equity is what we need. Equity is what everyone truly needs. I have always seen a certain image floating around online. I found a good quote to share.
For me, mental exhaustion is inevitable. I spent yesterday going above and beyond my normal to be extra kind and extra interactive and extra joyful with my children and my spouse. Doing so took so much energy from me that today I can barely smile without feeling anger or sadness instead of joy. These are the days where simple chores feel impossible. When my mind cannot manage to send signals to my body to get anything started. I may want to do something, it may even be important, like eating a meal, but no matter how much I yell at my own mind it doesn't happen.
Imagine that. Needing to do something and not being able to. Like you are paralyzed but your own mind is the only thing stopping you. You want to give your family a hug. You want to use the bathroom. You want to eat a meal. You want to do some dishes. You want to go grocery shopping. but you can't. You are paralyzed. You sit there, stuck, telling yourself to just get it done, that other people do it easily, and someone walks in, sees you sitting there in silence, and calls you lazy. Tells you to just try harder. As if you are not fighting yourself already.
I hope to bring some more light to the struggles we have, not to say "how dare you" and give a slap on the wrist, but so we can all strive for equity for each and every person, no matter what their struggles may be.
*the image above is linked to the website I found it on.
Comments